


The Mask We Wear

by Kakarot_x_Goku



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anger, Confusion, F/M, Happy-ending, Hate, M/M, Other, Saddness, abusive-relationship, an-end-to-every-story, book-one, depressed-allie, domestic-abuse, hidden-masks, life-of-a-transgender, mention-of-rape, mention-of-self-harm, not-fully-understanding, others-characters-in-the-story, transgender-allie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-19 16:38:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14241444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kakarot_x_Goku/pseuds/Kakarot_x_Goku
Summary: To anybody on the outside, Allie is a normal teenage girl. Love to shop, hang out with her girlfriends, and enjoy talking about boys. But on the inside, Allie struggles. She hates her body. She hates having boobs and it's all driving her to the brink of depression. She can't explain her situation as she doesn't understand herself. All she knows is that she hates her body and that she wishes she was a guy. As months turn to years and years turn to finishing school and into college, Allie gets into a bad situation with her "boyfriend" that led him to send her to the hospital as he abuses her. In public, where another man steps in and attacks the guy off of Allie and takes her to the hospital. That moment was when John soon became more into Allie's life. Falling closer together, Allie needed to get something off her chest. How will John handle it and what will happen to their relationship





	1. Chapter 1

Narrator's Voice: if anyone asked me who I was now I be proud who I am. If someone asked me who I was when I was younger, I would give a half answer

Allie: back then, I didn't know who I was because I hated what my body was. I hated what I was and because I didn't understand it I didn't ask for any advice or questions or anything. My mom was a mother of 5 kids with 3 failed marriages. I'm the youngest of the 5 and the kid of mom's new and finally her true love husband. My mom's name is Rachel and my Dad's name is Vince. You got the twins and oldest of us all Brandon and David. Next is my sister Tracy follow by my brother Zack and lastly me...Allie. I was a happy kid. Everything and anything always brought a smile to my face. I love nature and I love animals. But I hated dressing up. I hated dresses and I hated long hair. My parents just thought it was a phase before later on a tomboy and just let it be. They just wanted me to be happy. And I was. I love hanging out with my friends and go to the park. Play tag or swing or jump rope. Everything was easy, everything made sense. By middle school, there were jerks and bullies and bitches and whatever else. My girls, Grace, Heather, Raven, and Faith, we always meet up at my locker then walk to class together. We didn't care about people because there was just us. We all had dreams and we all pushed each other to get to where we were. We were a big family. We hang by each other by the hips. Nobody can break that from us. Soon we grow and I'm sure we all or will have the talk about puberty. For me it was bad. Mom and Dad worked a lot so the night I woke up feeling the stabbing feeling at my side and blood on my bed. I screamed as if someone was killing me. David rushed into my room before Tracy kicked them out and told me what was happening. It scared me and after Tracy helped me get clean up and on a pad, she stayed in my room for the night. The next day my parents found out and were in tears that their daughter was growing up. I felt sad but soon realized I will be like mom and I knew she worked hard for us all and to think we be helping them in the future brings a smile and hugged them. I love my family, I love my friends, and I endured my monthly hell. But there's something wrong with me. I can't explain it. I feel...alien almost to my own body. I asked Mom and she said it's just my body changing. I didn't understand at first but months later I developed boobs and even then, I felt off. I hated seeing myself. I get so angry seeing myself in the mirror. I hate how long and how...girly I look. But I just thought it was a girl thing and I don't let it bother me. Besides I got to get ready. The gang is coming for a night of shopping

So what do you guys think? I know it's weird and a bit off but next chapter I'll do something different and possible for the rest of the book. Also, the next chapter will be them shopping


	2. Chapter 2

Allie: As we arrived at the mall I got a sickening feeling. I hate shopping. Just seeing dresses or anything...cute will want me to just throw up or cry or scream. For 10 years I've been dealing with this...anger and this confusion. I don't understand but I can't let the gang worry about me this time

Heather: "so where should we start?"

Raven: "how about the bikinis~? Casey wants me to wear more...showing." She gave them all a look

Faith: "wait? Honey, you and Casey, getting it on?"

Allie: I couldn't believe what I was hearing. One of my friends is already having sex. Yeah okay so? Well...I have a boyfriend name Steven...and let's just say things aren't too good for us. After we all gotten over the news of Raven and Casey. More so the fact Raven can be even pregnant, we started to go our own way of shopping. Now, remember how I said I hated dresses and cute things? Well, it's a semi-lie. I do like some cute shirts. I just prefer the hoodie like clothes as I pretend Steven was with me and I get a shirt that's his size. To be funny but a bit cute in my own way. I started to look everywhere at this point as I was done (just needed some new shirts, pants, and bras) getting what I needed and just waited up for the others. My phone buzzed and I took it out to see it was Steven (who's drunk) texting me. "Where the hell are you whore." I read it 3 times not sure to reply or not. I hated him when he was drunk. I replied "shopping with friends, I told you that this afternoon," and shut off my phone as soon Heather and the rest of them came back from upstairs*

Raven: "what's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost?"

Allie: "Steven called...asking where I was"

Heather: "you mean yelling at you and calling you a slut of where you are." She was angry

Allie: I signed heavily. My friends knew of his drunk history as well as how he abuses me. What they don't know is I can't keep him waiting for something worse will happen. "I need to go soon, guys. Are we done? We can come back next week if we need to..." I wanted to leave. Something didn't feel right and I wanted to go "home" soon before he does do something worse to me

Faith: "let's go then." Said more in anger and a bit worrisome for Allie

In time they were done and out the door. The same sickening feeling stayed with Allie as they all got in the car and driver off. Allie knew what's going to happen and at that moment she wishes she never got out of that car and into that house, where awaits Steven and nothing but pain

 

Author's Note: some things, Allie is 16 now, in High School. She's been dating Steven for 3 months and because of what he did (you'll know by next chapter) Allie had to leave her family and live with Steven where he abuses her, beats her, sends her to the hospital, and other stuff. She can't go home as she'll have to tell her family what happens and she's afraid her family will disown her. So she's left with no choice but to live this way


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions rape. If sensitive to this nature please don't read it

Allie: as I opened the door all that hit me was darkness and how silent the place was. I was scared. "Steven? You there?" I called out, not really sure why. I wanted to leave, I wanted to run. My stomach was in knots and I was scared to death. As I more walked in, heading to the kitchen a hand grabbed me and I screamed. Punching and headbutting whoever it was. I cried out as whoever it was kneed me in the back and shoves me to the ground. "Fucking whore! Let's see how you fucking like it!" I screamed loudly as he kicked me in the side. I lost my air for a moment as I cried. "yeah don't like it do you." Steven approaches me and I grew more afraid. "S-stop." I barely recognize my voice. My back hurts and so did my side. His shoes came into my view before I blacked out from him kicking in my face. I heard a snap before all I saw was darkness...

(39 minutes later)

Allie: I groaned as all I felt was the pain. I couldn't see as everything was dark and blurry. I tasted blood and I started to freak out. I couldn't remember what happened. I just remember walking in. I tried to get up but my legs and arms were tied or chain or something to the bed. I started to scream and cry. I was afraid, I didn't know what was going on and what scared me more as the way HE laughed. I look to my left side, my head screaming in pain as well as my face. I saw the blood dripping onto the bed and I knew HE did this. "WHAT THE HELL," I was mad hell I was more than mad but I was getting worried. He approached me and held my face tightly. I whimpered as I smell the alcohol. I was getting dizzy and I felt sicker. I stayed quiet

Steven: "you will be a good girl and you will keep quiet as I have you. Do you fucking understand?" He more so growled in Allie's face as the tears flow. She nodded yes as he chuckled and saddled her. Roughly kissing her. He didn't care if she was in pain, he just wanted release. He thrust his tongue into her mouth while entering a finger in her. She cried out, "NO STOP!!" "If you don't shut the fuck up, it will be worse!!" He got right into her face as she shrinks back, crying. "That's what I thought," he worked quickly on her before taking off his boxers and thrusts into her. He groaned out in pleasure as Allie screamed out in pain. He didn't care, he just shut her out as he fucks her. Blood flowing from her and onto the bed, lubing him up as he heavily pants into her ear. Squeezing her thighs as he sits up, forcing her on him as she sobs. Begging for him to stop and that it hurts. He sucks on her nipples roughly, blood marking them both now as she starts to lose consciousness. He thrusts a few more times before cumming in her, biting her nipple as blood fills his mouth. Allie's eyes rolled at the back of her head as she once again seen the darkness. Asking God why he let this happen to her

Allie started to come back as the paramedics gently lifted her up into the ambulance and drove her to the hospital where she stayed in for a couple of months


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talks about self-harming. Please if sensitive to that nature, don't read it

During the months Allie was there she had to have surgeries for her left eye as the bone broke and shattered, lucky to be seeing out of it, to remove her appendix from the kick as it was ready to explode from impact as well as needing stitches to stop the bleeding around her nipple and her vagina. Even the doctors are amazed she's alive. To Allie she didn't care, the only one even knowing what happened was Steven. She knew he called them. She wanted to die. Days and nights she cries, asking God why. She can never call her parents as she now lives in another state with Steven, and she can never tell her friends or another soul. She was trapped and she was scared. She refused to eat to the point she had to be fed from a tube and she never left her room. She refused to talk to anyone. Not even the police as all she said it was dark and she didn't know who it was as he wore dark clothing and never shown his face. With no lead, the investigation was at a standstill. In time, Allie started to come around and by then it was time for her release. She was still in pain down there yet she refused to show pain. Her innocence was robbed, she was scared. As the same blue truck came up she knew this was her life. She stepped into it and closed the door, never looking at the man that took everything from her. Her body was cold, she was numb, she hated her life

Steven: "say anything to anyone and I promise you will never breathe again after I'm done with you. Understand!"

Allie: I shrink back, he threatened to kill me before but something tells me he meant this. I just nodded. I felt sick just hearing him and I wanted to cry, wanting someone to hold me and take him to jail. I was scared, yet I still question God as to why he's making me go through this abuse. I'm lucky to walk much less see. Yet I still FEEL him. I still FEEL the pain, I FEEL the unknown of who and what I am. Soon he drove, bringing me back to the house, back to my death, my hell. I hated him and I wish I can speak out but I was afraid my own family wouldn't believe me or disown me. And that upsetted me more... Soon we arrived back "home" and he was upset. He stormed over to my door and grabbed me by my hair and dragged me out. I cried out in pain but he struck me again. My vision went white for a second just before he threw me to the floor. I curled up in a ball, crying

Steven: "DON'T YOU EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP? NOW CLEAN THE MESS YOU MADE WHORE"

Allie: I don't know who or what made me do it but I shouted at him no. That I hope he drops dead and other stuff. He made it clear as he took his pistol and shot at me. The bullet passing MILLIMETERS from my head. I froze there before getting up and running. Not sure from him or to do what he said but now I know now he WILL kill me. I cried more, I wanted to be free. I wanted my mom, my dad, my friends, my life back. But knowing I have to first fight Steven and not get shot at? It was near impossible. I prayed something or someone will save me, take me back to my parents, and put him away. Even though I wanted to stop fighting, my hope and faith and nature to just keep fighting never dies off and I guess I have to be thankful for that or I'd be dead already. I didn't know how many hours I spent just doing this but I soon locked myself in the bathroom and need a shower. I stripped out of my clothes and looked in the mirror. All I see is a broken dead soul. I turned on the shower and got in, seeing a razor before reaching for it. I looked at it for a few minutes before bringing it to my left arm and sliced my skin. The blood, the pain, everything about it? It was refreshing in a way. For the rest of the night after the shower, I decorated my arms and legs in bloody wounds. Watching it fill the tub and color my skin. I remembered nothing after that, I blacked out from blood loss. I know so...


	5. Discontinued

Right now I'm going through a lot and I don't feel like doing this book anymore because of what I'm dealing with right now. I might continue it, I might not. But yeah. I might do one shot of Alex (Allie) and John but yeah


End file.
